Dad to the First, after the first set at Dad's Hearsay concert: "So, what do you think?"
The First: "I think you're the tallest one in the group."
it's worse than we thought!
November 1999, age 4
First: I hurt my foot! You know what I'm gonna need?
Mom: A band-aid?
First: No. I might need a peg leg, though.
First: I hurt my foot! You know what I'm gonna need?
Mom: A band-aid?
First: No. I might need a peg leg, though.
on learning that a used piccolo costs about $300
December 1999, age 4
"Dad, when we get home I'll write down a '3' and a '0' and a '0' and then we can go buy me a piccolo!"
"Dad, when we get home I'll write down a '3' and a '0' and a '0' and then we can go buy me a piccolo!"
start 'em early
Today the "Cherubs" (you, Jimmy, and Julie) sang in church! You got up and put on your khakis, a denim shirt, and your silver glitter "Elvis" belt. The first thing you told us when you got up was, "I got my first gig today!"
war vs. wedding anniversary
January 2000, age 4
The First: Is there such a thing as a silver war?
Daddy: A what?
The First: A silver war.
Daddy: Oh. The civil war.
The First: Is there such a thing as a silver war?
Daddy: A what?
The First: A silver war.
Daddy: Oh. The civil war.
thanksgiving for hamster security
Thank you God for everything that sprouts and for things that are secure like our new hamster that Mommy thought she would get and we saw a big cat out there that somebody was holding in her arms like a big baby! It was black and big just like our cat Katie except without any white on it. A-a-a-a-a-a-MEN!
adult scary vs. kid scary
The First: I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year.
Mom: You could be a virus.
The First: No, I have to be something that carries a light saber.
Mom: You could be a virus.
The First: No, I have to be something that carries a light saber.
so if I understand correctly...
"Okay. Now I'm gonna draw the same thing you draw if you can help me draw a tree and a dog."
yes. the answer is yes.
February 2000, age 4
The First: Where are you going tonight, Mom?
Mom: I'm going nuts. I'm going crazy.
The First: So you're staying here with me?
The First: Where are you going tonight, Mom?
Mom: I'm going nuts. I'm going crazy.
The First: So you're staying here with me?
thanksgiving for beer
Almighty God,
Thank you for tree houses and for beer: when you put some out at night the slugs will get in it and drown. Thank you for painting tree houses and for fruit salad, and God bless all the instruments in the orchestra. Amen.
Thank you for tree houses and for beer: when you put some out at night the slugs will get in it and drown. Thank you for painting tree houses and for fruit salad, and God bless all the instruments in the orchestra. Amen.
two friends: in memoriam
March 2000, age 5
Thank you God for lighthouses, and I'm praising you for Baskin Robbins, and Lonnie, and Aaron who died first at the beach. Amen.
Thank you God for lighthouses, and I'm praising you for Baskin Robbins, and Lonnie, and Aaron who died first at the beach. Amen.
the livin' is good when there's no dirty dishes
Mom: It's fun to have an ice cream cone for dessert, isn't it?
The First: Yeah, and I don't have to take it to the sink!
The First: Yeah, and I don't have to take it to the sink!
didn't work for Noah, though
Dear God,
Thank you for not sending another flood 'cause we don't want to move. Just do the best you can. So, amen.
Thank you for not sending another flood 'cause we don't want to move. Just do the best you can. So, amen.
progress report
You love pirates, swords, guns, knives, soldiers, cannons, bows and arrows, handcuffs, chainsaws, and anything else you think is powerful and destructive. Also you can sound out and recognize three and four letter words. You can read!
or take a bath!
The First: I'll be glad when I'm dead.
Dad: Why?
The First: 'Cause then I won't have to fold the napkins.
Dad: Why?
The First: 'Cause then I won't have to fold the napkins.
prayer for understanding
May 2000, age 5
Dear God,
Please help me to understand what Daddy says 'cause I thought he was saying "Bring me the phone!" but he was saying "Come see the toad!" And God bless all our church members. Amen.
Dear God,
Please help me to understand what Daddy says 'cause I thought he was saying "Bring me the phone!" but he was saying "Come see the toad!" And God bless all our church members. Amen.
is God prepared for this?
Thank you God that I saw that black rat snake about up to here, and it climbed up a tree. And I got a magnifying glass at the museum for 99 cents which is almost 100 cents which equals one dollar. And God, thank you for our world and help all the bad people to be good, and if they don't want to you might have to kill them.
(to Mom: Does God have a sword?)
(Mom: I don't think so.)
(to Mom: A gun? Cannons? A knife?)
(Mom: I don't think so.)
Well then, just do the best you can. Amen.
(to Mom: Does God have a sword?)
(Mom: I don't think so.)
(to Mom: A gun? Cannons? A knife?)
(Mom: I don't think so.)
Well then, just do the best you can. Amen.
anti-Gila monster prayer
Dear God,
Thank you for especially strawberries and other fruit. And help me save up for a pitching machine so I can get a really big whack! And for puzzles and animals, although I do mind [don't like] the poisonous ones. Poisonous snakes and Gila monsters. Amen.
Thank you for especially strawberries and other fruit. And help me save up for a pitching machine so I can get a really big whack! And for puzzles and animals, although I do mind [don't like] the poisonous ones. Poisonous snakes and Gila monsters. Amen.
what kind of vegetable likes to look at animals?
"Why do they call these zucchini? They don't come from the zoo."
free dollar haircut
June 2000, age 5
Dad: I need a haircut.
The First: I could give you a haircut. Then it would be free. And then you could give me a dollar.
Dad: A dollar? Then it wouldn't be free.
The First: Naw. First it would be free and then last you could give me a dollar.
Dad: I need a haircut.
The First: I could give you a haircut. Then it would be free. And then you could give me a dollar.
Dad: A dollar? Then it wouldn't be free.
The First: Naw. First it would be free and then last you could give me a dollar.
true love + wild kingdom
The First: Daddy, did you know that Mommy was born before you?
The Daddy: Yes, I did.
The First: And then she picked you for her husband.
The Daddy: Yep.
The First: And then you mated, and then I came out.
The Daddy: Yes, I did.
The First: And then she picked you for her husband.
The Daddy: Yep.
The First: And then you mated, and then I came out.
not necessarily in that order
July 2000, age 5
Mom: What do you do when you "take care of " someone?
The First: You love them, hug them, and kiss them. You feed them and run down a hill with them. You give them a bath, and help them catch a toad and a grasshopper. You help them find things to do when they're bored. Help them grow up and get married. And help them ride a two-wheeler. And a motorcycle. You pick them up. And kiss them.
The First, age 4, with baby brother
Mom: What do you do when you "take care of " someone?
The First: You love them, hug them, and kiss them. You feed them and run down a hill with them. You give them a bath, and help them catch a toad and a grasshopper. You help them find things to do when they're bored. Help them grow up and get married. And help them ride a two-wheeler. And a motorcycle. You pick them up. And kiss them.
The First, age 4, with baby brother
let's be clear
The First: Daddy, the baby spit up!
The Dad: Well, he doesn't seem too upset by it.
The First: I'm upset.
The Dad: Well, he doesn't seem too upset by it.
The First: I'm upset.
cause he's like, 63...
August 2000, age 5
After discussing the next door neighbor's terminal illness, and the fact that he is only 60, you said, "Well, I guess Papa Clyde will be dying pretty soon."
After discussing the next door neighbor's terminal illness, and the fact that he is only 60, you said, "Well, I guess Papa Clyde will be dying pretty soon."
treasure box contents
- gold Sacagawea dollar (birthday present from 2000)
- "diez pesos" coin, recent gift from friends at church
- shark teeth in a gray plastic film canister, brought home from camp by Mom
- 1996 silver dollar, gift from neighbor
- amethyst crystal, a gift from your youngest brother's baby shower
- agate slice, purchased by you with allowance money
- 1979 Susan B. Anthony dollar, given to you from Mom
- an old saxaphone reed
us on the side
November 2000, age 5
"This is a map of the world," you say, showing Dad a piece of cardboard with staples all around the edges. "This is the edges, and this is us," you say, pointing to the middle. "This isn't us, on the side. I'll go do some us."
"This is a map of the world," you say, showing Dad a piece of cardboard with staples all around the edges. "This is the edges, and this is us," you say, pointing to the middle. "This isn't us, on the side. I'll go do some us."
but what does that get you?
January 2001, age 5
"You wanna know how much cents I got? I got a lot. Seventeen cents! I got teenager cents."
"You wanna know how much cents I got? I got a lot. Seventeen cents! I got teenager cents."
bendy is for hearts
March 2001, age 6
While checking on cookies freshly pulled from the oven:
"I don't like my cookies bendy. I like 'em breakable."
The First, age 2
While checking on cookies freshly pulled from the oven:
"I don't like my cookies bendy. I like 'em breakable."
The First, age 2
can't get a paying job
You are "into" Pokemon cards. You read like crazy and love math. You're playing baseball right now. Is there anything you can't do?
just like an oreo
You told your next younger brother [Ice]:
"You're the middle brother; [the Maker] and I are the side brothers."
"You're the middle brother; [the Maker] and I are the side brothers."
not what you'd expect to pay
April 2001, age 6
You have been practicing writing your 2's, since yours look like 5's. You made a sign that said "$22.oo," set it on a chair, and put it out by the street, in hopes that it (the chair?) would sell. No luck so far. For a while, you stood out there, holding your sign up!
You have been practicing writing your 2's, since yours look like 5's. You made a sign that said "$22.oo," set it on a chair, and put it out by the street, in hopes that it (the chair?) would sell. No luck so far. For a while, you stood out there, holding your sign up!
don't I know it
May 2001, age 6
The First: You really have a nice purse, Mom.
The Mom: Thanks.
The First: Except you always keep running out of money.
The First: You really have a nice purse, Mom.
The Mom: Thanks.
The First: Except you always keep running out of money.
but it will be blurry
"Oh no! A satellite's gonna take a picture of me!"
-- After running outside in his t-shirt and underwear to quickly feed the cats.
-- After running outside in his t-shirt and underwear to quickly feed the cats.
math genius still learning social niceties
June 2, 2001, age 6
The First: How old is Papa?
The Mom: Oh, 55, I think.
The First: Hm. When you're 55, he'll be 75.
(I think that's a lucky guess, so I tell Papa, the First's grandfather, a minute later, as the First listens in. But he surprises me...)
The First: And when Mom's 75, Papa will be 95!
(I raise my eyebrows.)
The First: And when Mom's 95, Papa will be...
The Dad: How old will Papa be then?
The First: In his hundreds!
The First: How old is Papa?
The Mom: Oh, 55, I think.
The First: Hm. When you're 55, he'll be 75.
(I think that's a lucky guess, so I tell Papa, the First's grandfather, a minute later, as the First listens in. But he surprises me...)
The First: And when Mom's 75, Papa will be 95!
(I raise my eyebrows.)
The First: And when Mom's 95, Papa will be...
The Dad: How old will Papa be then?
The First: In his hundreds!
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